faith....

Growing up in an environment that revolves around Christianity gave me confusions with faith. Being schooled in christian school my whole life I did not even realize I have been questioning faith growing up. The elders always dismiss my questions thus I was bound to get the answers at school which made me slowly realize what is it all about...Thanks to my teachers, the lessons and the beings of faith that guided me. 

At age 24, I was sitting one Sunday at church it seems like I am there but felt empty, that I question myself why I was there. I can't even understand what the priest was saying. For me that was the pinnacle of time that my heart is answering to God who has been knocking for a long time and asking me if He could come in because He felt cold outside.

Several noted people questioned me and said straight to my face that for them I look like someone who do not have faith in God. One of my mentor who happens to be a pastor's wife told me one time that she thought I was someone who is not religious that's why she asked me to attend their church. A friend who is devoted to his faith always felt indifferent towards me and see's me as a skeptic. As usual, typical me I just didn't care because I believe that I have to respect other people's belief and faith this is one of the lessons I carried I learned from studying religion for 20 years. 

At present I no longer practice CATHOLIC faith whatever that means for people who I thought would understand me as I thought they are devoted christians. When I told this to my family, mixed reactions was expressed towards me. But the gist of it was what I was doing is a SIN...Aren't catholics christians? This is my answer to their question WHY... I have never felt closer to God than I've ever been my whole life. It was the first time that I bought a bible let alone open and read it. I felt free, happier a feeling of contentment and peace that I have never experienced.