2 days before 2013

Another year has gone by what have I done? what will happen next?
New years resolution? I tried to do my list but I always forget to fulfill them thus I stopped.

2013 is a big year for me, mid year I have to decide if I have to leave my workplace of 4 years or stay and be miserable. Yes, I am no longer happy and what's keeping me at work is an iron clad contract.

Friends made me realize my potential as an accessory designer thus this year I will harness my hobby into a full time business. This will take alot of time because I have to do a collection , build an online site to sell it. Find resources for my design. Yes I guess its time to fulfill my passion...I have already fulfilled my responsibility to my parents to finish school have a degree.

Hope people out there will read my giant leap and a 360 turn of a lonely person to reach happiness...

In the mind of a modern day Ilustrado Indio

What is an ilustrado and Indio? These are archaic filipino words that a true blue PINOY should know and understand because it connotes our history...

I love reading the history of the Philippines. My fascination started when my old alma mater introduced me to the Philippines history. I learned about the Ibong Adarna  and even the controversial book El Filibusterismo. But I greatly enjoy the pre-hispanic history of the Philippines. Rich with tales of legends and day to day life. Alas this part of our rich culture is not greatly known by a common modern day Filipino unless they are fortunate enough to have the opportunity to be in an academe that greatly emphasizes the importance of history...

I am a modern day Ilustrado Indio, an educated and learned Filipino who is now an expat living in the cold white North. Thanks to my educational back ground I am one of those OFW who is living the "DREAM". But Am I? This is my 7th year not spending Christmas in the Philippines and with my family. Hell I want to go home this holidays unless I'm pushing getting fired at work...

I was contemplating recently...Aaaah I think this is what Jose Rizal and his other friends are feeling when they were expats in Europe. Feeling the longing for their homeland and their loved ones is truly a stressful scenario.

Living in Canada made me more nationalistic I realized. I want to do my best, go home and wreck havoc of change to a better country that is. I want to do more and learn more on how to be able help my beloved country.

I thought moving to a place that is completely different from what I know will give me the greatest satisfaction but in reality it made me feel incomplete...

Thanks to social media and news I saw how acquaintances, family and friends living the life that gives them happiness regardless of who they are and how much money is in their pocket.

Why are they happy? Because they are truly  HOME...

I will not just say this as a New years resolution but a concrete plan...

I will work hard in saving up enough money and finish off my debt, give up on immediate gratification and foresee a better and brighter future of happiness.

13 months debt free challenge...

I went through my finances actually 2 of my most financially stable besties went over with me about paying up my debt FAST!

I have a stable job, single, no mortgage, no car loan yet since I don't have a license.

But I have accumulated a student loan and consumers debt in the 6 years that I lived in Canada.

I am a big spender yes I admit it now...

I am a shopaholic according to my family and friends and I have been denying that fact.

I am a traveler as well...and travels entail huge amount of money because I shop on my travels.

My first action this year is I tried consolidating my debts.

I got pre approved with a credit line. I was turned down several times by banks just because of my status in Canada.

But this year one finance manager at BMO realized that I can pay the amount I am asking just basing it on my profession and my annual income.

I also applied for an MBNA credit card which is pretty awesome because I got a 15 months no interest on my first year. This card do not have a yearly fee. But there is a 1% charge on balance transfer. Thanks to this I got a lesser interest charge and tried my best to pay it down in half in no time.

When the time was up I transferred the remaining amount to my credit line but I put it back to the MBNA credit card because what's good about this card is they give alot of promo like .99% interest rate for 6 months, or 4.99 % or 2.99% sometimes.

My friends gave me a certain amount per month that I only use for my monthly expenses no buts!

On my calculations if I stick with my budget that I started I will be debt free in 13 months

I am the greatest fool

I just subscribed to a few of the magazines that I used to read back in the Philippines and it hit me hard what my real passion in life are FASHION, design and lifestyle with social awareness.

I actually wasted my younger years proving to people that I am smart academically and abandon what I was born to do.

I was blinded by the prestige of the academe that ideas and projects was pushed aside because I have to prove even to my own parents that I am intelligent.

I am the greatest fool that I have ever met!

After thousands of dollar in debt I just realized my stupidity, to conform with the norm of academic brilliance I am officially a nobody and a has been

Travel Lesson #2

We do not know how fortunate we are until we hear and witness the real meaning of a hard and difficult life.

Riding the train with my sister I heard conversations of Filipinos on how they budget their money for their family.

I am soooo shameful of myself listening to their stories because I whine, complain and want to quit work because I feel its too much for me. I earn 10 times more than those people and I could afford most of the luxuries they are dreaming about.

I heard how they cut down on their phone bills just to survive working abroad , sacrificing not to hear the voices of their family to put food on the table.

I have tray and stacks full of cosmetics and a closet full of clothes then I hear them saying they got a pretty good sale deal with the bag and sandals they are wearing.

I went to lucky plaza at Orchard Rd in Singapore with my sister and there I saw a building full of Filipinos going to the different padala and remittance center. I was soo overwhelmed, I just saw those scenarios on movies and on TV. The OFW are truly the new breed of unsung heroes. My sister saw how culture shocked I was with the things I witnessed.

Me and my sister have not experienced a difficult life only the work related stress we have that bothers us and our parents live a comfortable life as well.

Thus, I thank God for the blessings He showered upon us
I am and should be great full  of the life I have...
I should be humbled
I do not have the right to whine
The stress in my life I can easily overcome if I want to...

Simple life... a travelers life lesson

I love traveling if only I have never ending pot of gold...I would have been a nomad

My travels made me a better person and its the best way to learn and to know the real world

First lesson to give up on excessively coveting material things

Im still in debt, but as I look around my apartment I have too much things that I barely use.

MISSION to unclutter apartment

Travel update...first stop Las Vegas

Abit shocked with the the dry hot weather!
It's my first time at Sin City but since I'm with family I really can't do much when it comes with the real meaning of Vegas....
I don't gamble but I can hold my drink pretty good. At my age I'm still carded I guess because I still look under 18?, sometimes it's flattering but annoying at the same time especially when I need a drink badly.
Cirque du Soleil "O" at the Bellagio is a must see. It's pricy yes but worth every penny I got the middle seat for me and my brother, I'm abit sorry I can't afford everyone's ticket but I think there was confusion.
I felt bad because I didn't get to do an itinerary list that there was a lot of wasted time.
We went around a few malls well we were with a shopaholic so I can't miss that.
I love the shops at Caesar's Palace and Bellagio.I found out the brands I liked carried the hard to find items I am coveting, too bad I'm on a tight budget.
And I didn't forget to grab a burger at In and Out .
Watched the fountain show at Bellagio and went to The Bodies exhibit at Luxor

Wait for me Vegas I will be back with vengeance!!!!!!

SOUL searching...

I am hoping that this trip will give me the final decision of my life...
 To start afresh and give up my career to what I really want...

I hope I will find the answer to my doubts...
Inspiration please meet me on my trip...
Happiness surprise me everyday
Idea grab me by the arm
Enlightenment give me a bear hug
Reality slap me on both cheeks
Desire caress me like a feather
Perseverance stop me on my tracks
Love hold me by the neck
Fear guide me on my way


Live life to the the fullest

Happiness...

What makes people happy? 

Is money enough? if it is then why are the richest people in the world living a desperate life? I watched a documentary about these people and it ain't fun. I have seen and met the poorest person financially but I felt their genuine happiness.

Will you say you are successful when you go home in a quiet and empty place?
Are you really living THE LIFE when you have debts and bills to pay?
You look at other people and envy them...
You despise someone because you think they have everything...but look closely do they have EVERYTHING?
What if you have alot of what ifs? 
Will you be ever fulfill your  bucket list?
When will you start the plan?
Hesitations
whine whine whine
Are goals just goals?
Why are you thinking of the future when you don't do anything right now
When you say you won't can you really do it?

YES I AM NOT HAPPY......

2 weeks before vacation

I have to start a list on what to buy for pasalubong and family members are already subtly asking what they want... Yup this is one of the Filipino culture I'm soo frustrated about.

When you ask people what they want they would just say it's up to you what you wanna give me but they are expecting to get something that they really wanted from you...I think as a Filipino you have to be a mind reader.

I usually write down everything on a to do list because when I travel I have to consider alot of things especially if I have to meet friends and family.

And I also have to dig deep into my memory bank of the stories and life data of the people I will be meeting.

I am excited as this will be my longest vacation after a couple of years and considering I will be visiting a few awesome cities. I will try to add my trip and show a few pictures and videos.

Being Filipino....

Growing up I was always called "tisay" a slang for mestiza meaning a mixed filipino to be exact I am chinese mestiza. 

Living in Canada for  6 years I have learned to truly love who I am. I am proud to say I am FILIPINO just look at my nose no denying LOL

Most of the time I am mistaken to be chinese and I always correct them I AM FILIPINO.

There is a lot of stereotyping about Filipinos and I always tell ignorant people that it doesn't mean another JUAN did that, I am like that too.

I always share my culture to other people yes the good and the bad. I don't pretend that my country is ALRIGHT but what I'm really proud of being Filipino is we know how to smile and laugh GENUINELY.

If money and pride is not a problem for me I will undoubtedly pack my bag and live in the Philippines.

I see people wearing the  3 stars and a sun products but do they even know the real meaning of this?

Being Filipino is not through your physical appearance but of the HEART.

Start something that matters by TOMS chief shoe giver

Just finished this book by Blake Mycoskie how he founded TOMS shoes. 

I am planning to set up my own for profit social business but I do not know how to start.

So what did I do? Read the books of the people who made it happen first is reading books by Muhammad Yunus founder of Grameen bank and now Blake Mycoskie who founded the one for one movement that is TOMS.

I learned alot just by reading this book. I found out that I am indeed on the right track, from writing my ideas in my journal. But what hinders me as like what he discussed in the book was my FEAR to do and go for my ideas.

Tiny steps...yes this is a brilliant idea. At the moment I have to face reality I am still in the middle of paying out my student loan thus this is a problem I have to solve first before diving to another problem.

He also discussed the support of family and friends. This is true as I was discussing my plans to my family and closest friends they all listened and gave me their support.

Do not be afraid to ask...yes I remembered my family telling me this, I was always a strong willed person and I do not want to ask people's help thus this trait I have to fix if I want to venture into a social business because I will need all the help.

The question what would you do if money is not a problem? This is an effective precursor to generate a  business plan.

Over all the book is brief but straight forward...
 
At the end of reading the book I already have a plan. Thank you Blake!

Planning My 4 weeks vacation...

To do List

1.  Making sure I have enough money to pay my bills without work for a month - CHECK
2. Cancel internet for a month
3. Keep an eye on dollar exchange rate for pocket money and how much do I need
4. make a list of gifts for family
5. Decide what clothes,bags,shoes and toiletries to bring NO SHOPPING! get it from the closet!
6. Check camera and batteries
7. what books to bring, load up on ebooks!

 

There is no place like home...

I live half way around the world but I came to realize the life in the Philippines I have taken for granted...

An uncle said, living in a foreign land and in a completely different environment made me learn the value of MONEY, how fortunate we are to have what we want and to be who we want to be...

Because of my rebellious act of wanting INDEPENDENCE I left home...but I came to realize that getting that independence doesn't need to take someone to live half way around the world...

I am one of those " I want to go out of the country " citizen that president Pnoy said because I actually DO NOT NEED to go out of the country...

I wanted to live as normal as possible. I did not just left my country, I also ran away from the responsibility I cannot deny I am destined to do...


I have lived a boring life, a stagnant state of being over worked, unhappy and alone. Yes I am financially secured but still paying student debts...


I am going home...I am getting ready to go home


I am bringing my great plans home, my plan for a happy life, my social and familial responsibility that was let behind I will fulfill.


Ignorant people who stereotype the Philippines as a barbaric and God forsaken land ask me why do you want to go back there? Life is better here...


Here is my answer all the time...first of all MY life IS BETTER in the Philippines!
I do not want to die alone inside my apartment with my cat and being found dead after 7 days and decomposing...


This is what I learned, Philippines is full and rich with LOVE and HAPPINESS despite the poverty 

I AM GOING HOME AND BE THE CHANGE....

At 31 I am single...

When I hit 30 last year I just came to realize that I am alone
Seeing friends getting married one by one , I get to be teased and asked about my single state...
There was a time that I really wanted to be married and even suggested to a long time friend if He wants to marry me...but I was turned down flat...

I asked myself, if I'm married or getting married at this point in my life will I be alright?
A few factors I have to consider
 First is my lifestyle...
I'm used to just suddenly pack a bag and go travel
Take a holiday...
I could freely go shopping without thinking if I have enough to spend
After a long days work..I just crash at my couch not thinking to have dinner
Getting pregnant? Will I be alright with children?
I wanted children but the responsibility of having a child will I keep up with it?
With the state I might still rely on my family to raise a child...it will be sooo unfair for them

I was talking to a dear friend and we came to a point me being single
I asked him what's wrong with me? I always end up alone and left out?
He said this...

"The problem with the men you meet is they don't know what approach to use that is right for you
... the waves are unsteady with your personality...Its just that the right man hasn't come yet that can understand the flow of your personality...You are not difficult to love...I know that because through the years I have observed and came to know the real you...Those men used the wrong strategy, if they only looked sincerely into your soul through those deceptive eyes of yours, then they would have found the real side of you...a gentle,adorable, and lovely person that would be every man's dream."-RED CLOUD


"Well,  dating is a common human behavior where in species of the opposite sex will seek for a partner where they feel compatible with... a lock will always find for its key... so there is alot of trial and error just to know where u could fit in...you then realize how mysterious life is..." - RED CLOUD

expenses vs valued time

I know I have to save...
I got a text message from my father asking if I could join them for this year's vacation
I said no I can't because I'm saving...
But I contemplated on the time that I will miss with my own family
A week with my father means my gratitude as a daughter for the sacrifice a father spent to nurture his offspring...
So calculating the expenses I will spend its worth it...so at the end I booked my flight and ready to go!
Leaving home made me realize the value of all the things that I took for granted
-having a supportive family
-having a very comfortable lifestyle
 As my father told me once...Its easy to earn and gain money but if you let go of opportunities you will never get it back!

daily personal finance tip

              Stay away from the SALE rack

1. Your whole wardrobe is one BIG sale rack, you just have to be MORE creative get ideas from fashion bloggers how to accessorize.

2. The store is just asking you to buy more.

3.  Remember you have a credit owing to empty....

4.  Do you have extra cash to pay for that?!

YAY I SPENT NOTHING TODAY!

 

 

Going back to the yellow brick road...

As I browse facebook, seeing each and every updates of friends and family and their livin the life attitude...I just cursed up in the air!

I'm really bitter right now...seeing myself living a lonely monotonous life which is my fault all along.
I was full of dreams but because of my stubborn pride it lead me to be like this
I used to blame my family and everyone who I thought got in my way
It was just actually  the  shadow of my own pride that blinded me to choose the right path to success

But it's not too late to leave the unbeaten path and return to the yellow brick road!
Yes, I already admitted my mistake....
Making a fresh start is difficult but with my bucket of ideas and dream I will definitely succeed

I thank God for not abandoning His prodigal daughter
I thank my family who never stopped loving and always keeping an eye on the lost bunny
I thank my friends who embraced the real me and never let go of my dancing feet

Checking Finances

My debts are starting to go down!
Hip Hip horaay!
for 3 years I was trying hard to consolidate my loans...I hate the banks who did not grant me personal loans!
Shame on you! I can pay I have never missed a payment!

WOW some extra cash on my bank account! okay pay down my credit card debt whoooosh there goes a few hundred....

NO SHOPPING YET!
I just spent $11 for necessities: sugar and toilette paper which are both on sale  yay!
ONLY BUY THEM ON SALE!!!!!!

Target: after 2 years I am debt free forever!!!!!!!!!!!

Trying a gluten free sweet potato chips

I went to the health food store to find lemon grass tea but they don't have any then I saw this
Old fashioned kettle cooked potato chips, gluten free, on sale hehe but with sea salt zero trans fat?
It actually tastes good! Not oily and not that salty abit toasted tho

meal plan for 10 days a saving tip day 1

• breakfast -sausage and rice 
• bring coffee or juice from home to work
• snack/lunch-fruit, cheese,bread
• dinner - fish stew and rice  

NO buying of drinks and snack at work!
NO stopping by wendys or TIMMYs
NO sale buying

          
   

day without spending

hooray!
i didn't spend  anything today not coffee not even vitamin water!!!
I have to keep this up....

A shopaholic's healing list...

1. I do not need new clothes, I still have a lot of unused ones
2. I do not need a new bag...Yes I love designer handbags I CAN JUST STARE AT THEM ONLINE
3. I do not need new shoes...I barely used most of the.
4. I know SALE is a good deal but do I need these stuff on sale?
5. Live simple then I can pay my debt 
6. Traveling is fun but do I have funds for my travels?
7. No to new york,korea,singapore,hongkong
8. NO to outlets...
9. Borrow books at the library
10. Watch I witness to overpower my conscience! GUILT TRIP!...I am lucky to have anything I want! 
11. I AM BETTER THAN THIS!

PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE

another day has passed and nothing just yet again a monotonous day...I don't want to continue with this..
Do I have a choice? Of course I do ...
But Am I willing to handle the repercussion of my action?
Hell no!
I have no means to pay my debt unless I marry a wealthy prince who is willing to bail me out...
Like what papa said...that's life we have to learn to be patient if we want to live
I really don't believe in that and papa knows...

start small finish BIG

sunny day....

got to do walking for an hour yesterday, feels good after!
BUT I craved for shin raymun badly that I slurp a bowl waaah

For today try to tidy my apartment again
UNCLUTTER!!!!!
after I watch my korean drama hehe
Having my second cup of coffee while I type and munching on my dates squares
I love dates squares...I started eating them when I was in Newfoundland, the women there are some mean cooks! love the food!

Does anybody out there feels like their apartment feels sooo stuffy?
unorganized, cluttered and boring like a warehouse all together?

This I think what I'm feeling now that its reflecting physically on my living space...

unfinished craft
piles of paper
table full of books
dusty shelves
boxes everywhere

Here is the plan start small finish BIG! 
kitchen then work area then living area then bathroom then bedroom
 

todays plan...ruined by rain

Ok I set the alarm for 8 am to jog....
And then come 8am good morning RAIN!!!!!!
what a brilliant day...noon time here comes the sun
Hello sunshine!!!!!!!
WTF...I wont jog at noon and get skin cancer! grrrr
okay later how bout yoga?
ooops have to clean the house and do the laundry first!

what is your passion? what are your hobbies?

Hobbies? Passion?
Have I lost them both?
When someone ask me that a couple of weeks ago...I was stuck with nothing to say?
Did I loss it? Is this why Im bored and whiny and stressed out?
Growing up I love to do different stuff
arts and craft, collecting stationaries and trading them as well
Set up my mini business during summer time to have spending money
IDEAS ...I was overflowing with IDEAS!
Now I just see myself a coach potato...always napping
Dont go out...spends soo much with shopping defending myself I need them
retail therapy!
CRAP!
I know I should be better than this...alot of people at a slump more than I do
Why am I scarred to try something?
Remind myself...
I AM BETTER THAN THIS!
And again today I just wasted my after work hours just napping
Okay I"ll try reading one of my books tonight
TOMORROW do some house organizing

Join me to be debt free forever

DEBT FREE!

this is my first goal

How?

1. cure my shopping addiction

Remind myself to ask before I buy DO I REALLY NEED THIS?

I have too many clothes, shoes and bags I DO NOT NEED ONE MORE!

Finish up all my cosmetics and skincare products I HAVE ENOUGH FOR 2 YEARS!

STOP!!!!!! do not go to the shopping sites!!!!!

PAY UP CREDIT CARD BILL!

2. wake up early and make my own breakfast,lunch ,dinner and BAON

STOP ....NO TIMMY'S for breakfast!!!!!
DO BUY groceries and stick to the HEALTHY stuff!!!!!

3. If bored STOP! do not go to the shopping websites!

finish the cross stitch designs!

READ a BOOK ....DO NOT BUY A BOOK...go to the LIBRARY!

Why live a plain life when you can be on top of the world

I left home moved half way around the world
Living an ordinary employee life ...
Then while I was sitting starring at my book I asked myself this question
What happened to me?
I was a dreamer...with awesome plans...build my own business empire
Be great!!!!! this is my ultimate goal BE THE GREATEST
I got a blank old planner started to scribble fast
plans, ideas came one after the other
I was amazed at myself why why did I not do all this!!!!!

First step...pay my debt in 2 years!!!!!
save enough to start the first idea
MOVE out of this town....
look for a better job

Go home...do some research!!!!! Ask around

Okay I could go to sleep now......

Celebrating my birthday alone

Got the greetings but I feel empty
I had a lot of thinking that day...
What's next with?
I will try my best to live a simple life this year
Meaning no shopping no unnecessary purchases
Freeze credit cards
Maximize paying my debts
Save abit
Do something worth while
Regain my patience at work and remind myself that a year fly by quickly that I will just find myself packing and moving yahoo!

All the best for me!

contemplating....

Sitting at my couch in the quiet afternoon....
Thinking about the options to my next chapter in life...
First, I have to admit I've been living a boring and empty life
But this is not the end of it...One thing I have to do is to get my ass up and make a plan!
A plan that has to be in motion not a dream or a wish that will stay in my diary
Who could help me but myself!
I'm a head strong person that's what everybody thinks
I always get myself out of any mud deep trouble...yes that's true
But the  real reason is I'm too ashamed to ask for help
Stubbornness is deadly it cripples you....